Al Kautsar and My mengaji journey

Assalamualaikum
picture source: google (ilmualam.com)
The first surah that i ever memorized after surah al ikhlas.  I learnt on this surah my own. For years, this was the only surah that i was able to memorize due to lack of knowledge and unable to recite quran. My whole life i wish that there was someone who could teach me to recite the Quran. To guide me unfortunately i am not as lucky as others. 

The struggle and the challenges that i encountered make me always question myself. Why was it so difficult for me to learn the Quran. I was doing something good, to learn to recite the Quran but why did Allah make it so difficult? I don't understand. 

When i was younger, we were not fortunate to have ustaz ustazah to teach agama unlike in semenanjung. we were lucky when i was in primary school, there was one pakcik was transferred from papar to our place and this pakcik organized a mengaji class. i completed my muqadam and just before i started my Quran, the pakcik was transferred to tenom. then i went to study at a boarding school, i had a friend who taught me to recite quran but it was not consistant because she could only teach me during her free time. then in uni, one of my friend taught me to recite quran so i started from the beginning. For years i kept on restart my lesson so i could only recite the first page of surah Al Baqarah. Then when i got married, i tried to find someone who can teach me but couldn't find anyone. Many couldn't commit because of distance.  I also tried al-Baghdadi mengaji class but only for a month. My then ustaz adviced me to mengaji at home and he can come to teach me but after one lesson, the following week he couldn't come because he met with an accident and eventually he was not able to come to my house to teach me after the accident because he has no transportation. There goes my mengaji class. and there were many more challenges that i had faced in order to learn mengaji. 

No one understands the struggle, the humiliation that i received for not being able to recite the quran, for not knowing the tajwid rules. I was once humiliated in front of so many people. Before i joined the class, i already informed the urus setia that i do not have any basic. So can i join the class? The urus setia said boleh..boleh.. boleh join class. And that was the first and the last time i joined the class

I felt so embarrassed when the ustaz said mad asli pun tak tau ke. His voice tone was errr... like very sarcasting. And yes i did not what is mad asli. That is why i wanted to join a mengaji class because i wanted to  learn. 

Like what we were always told. Apa yang hilang, apa yang Allah jauhi, Allah akan ganti dengan yang lebih baik. Alhamdulillah on the same week, my department organize a mengaji class on Tuesday during lunch time. Alhamdulillah. I am thankful that i was able to learn mengaji with ustaz Ahmad. That was the beginning of my proper mengaji lesson and during covid i accidentally met my now ustazah who teaches mengaji online class. Alhamdulillah with her, i completed the modules that ustazah has prepared. And Alhamdulillah now i am able to recite Al Quran though i still need to improve here and there. 

I am very thankful to the people that came into my life that help me with my mengaji journey. May Allah bless them with rahmat..aamiin..

Until Next Time, TTFN!!
blu4sky
20112025

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